I’m fighting off a panic attack right now. I moved to town with my husband and two cats from out in the country almost 3 months ago. At first I swore I’d never let my cats outside in town, even though we live in a pretty quiet neighborhood where other people let their cats out. But they begged. Oh how they begged. I finally took one out on a leash. He hated it. I finally let him go free. He stayed close to the house and loved it. I stll worried but I let him. I started letting the other one out a few days ago, under supervision. They don’t get along too great so I worried. Today I let them out, first the boy, then the girl about an hour later… and I went to the door to look out and saw him chasing her several houses away. I tried to run after them but I could’t catch them. My stupid legal blindness aused me to lose sight of them when they got too far ahead. I tried calling them, but I couldn’t find them. I don’t know how far they went or where they could be. Now there are 2 or 3 people mowing lawns between here an where I lost sight of them, and my cats are terrified of lawn mowers, so they’ll be too afraid to come back home.

I feel like an awful person. I’m an awful pet owner for letting them outside. I’d been raised to believe it was unnatural to keep a cat inside at all times, but all the experts said its not safe to let them out without a leash. I tried. I tried. I tried to do that but my cats hated it I broke down and gave in. Now they’re gone. What if they never come back? What if they get killed by stray dogs or other cats? What if they get run over, too terrified to get themselves out of the road? Ooh God, I am so miserable and so freaking worried. I had to take a xanax and it stopped the panic attack but it didn’t ease this terrible fear and worry. They are my children and I let them out into the dangerous world unsupervised. I’m horrible. I’m so afraid. I don’t know what to do.