i never had a dad, like alot of guys now. I freaked out when i was a kid and started having mental problems and there was only my crushing mother around, I didn’t develop right, i was pushed completely inside myself. They put me on SSRIs and tranqs when i was 14. I didn’t have the strength to deal with the depth of the sadness i think at the time so I just drifted along like a big baby, melded to my mom yet not close at all at the same time. I graduated high school through a help class and was just clueless what to do next…I felt like a gimp, people had been telling me what to do and how to do it all my life and now i was supposed to do it all on my own? I am ashamed of how i was and sometimes how i still am now. My mom had to die for me to get away and live in my isolated basement, crawling over the net trying to figure out what happened, whats what. Now its better, the drugs are mostly gone and I more in touch with ‘reality’ but I still feel clueless and lost and weak, like simple things are still hard. How many guys have the same thing i wonder? I know we’re not doing so good if the women are exceeding us in all areas in society like you read; I think there’s a connection here with all the techno gizmos and the big brother surveillance stuff you see now but i could be wrong. I Never felt like i had a family, like Ive always been alone.