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I repent for blasphemy against holy spirit disbelieving somethings in bible sry but im still struggling with some things but i beilueve he exists anx mlst the bible. I still think some things are not great advice or many parts are contradictory. I believe jesus exists does for ours sins & the Trinidadian thing etc etc it’s just a couple small things in bible that I get stuck on I also disbelieve he can hear me pray. It’s not bc I don’t believe he hears anyone’s prayers or bc satan is whispering lies telling me Jesus can’t hear me etc it’s just feels like I’ve been praying on my knees for long time and many things never got better in 2 years I actually feel worse in life and faith then i did 2 years ago. But I do read the bible more/bible studies. Can’t get myself to pray very much these days. I used to pray 2 to 3 times a day now I just feel like.. just nothingness when I pray been like that for like a year

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .