Starting to resent my bf more now to a quiet hatred for him . Even after I helped gave him an extra $5800 on top of half the rent since I received an unexpected backpay , he still gives me the passive aggressive attitude, slammed things, giving me the silent treatment because I was straightening my hair in the bathroom and he said he couldn’t use it yet and that I pulled away when he kept trying to touch me last night again. Still treats me like crap & manipulative whenever he’s in a bad mood even though I help prepare his food & lunch for him for work, cook,clean, do his laundry, helping with half the rent. I was hoping to use that money to plan for a direct cremation for me , to legally change my first name & update my id before ending myself soon and knowing that I’d at least be covered and set when I go & not worry about funeral expenses and prefer not to have anyone mourning or anything. There’s really not much for anyone to mourn about anyways and I haven’t accomplished or achieved anything really, im a waste of air as a few have said before including my bf and a ‘stupid f***’ in his own words. I’ve endured a lot of abuse, grooming and bullying throughout my life and haven’t had the money to even afford that option way out. Now that I finally got it but had to give most of it to him , now I won’t be able to afford that peace of mind. When I’ve gotten mad or upset, he goes off or threatens I should leave or that he will ,but it’s okay for him to get mad & slam things and take his anger out on me. The most peaceful and bliss moments were i was dying or dead in my dreams and felt relief, I don’t wanna wait till im 40 or wait until cancer, a stroke, a tumor to slowly rot me out, i rather go out on my own terms instead of waiting.