Years ago when I lived with a roommate. I was going through an addiction phase where I was using methamphetamine. I had recently broken up with my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry she ended up getting with a guy that I thought was my friend. It caused me to relapse. I had struggled with addiction off nd on prior to that for roughly five or so years. Up into that point I had been clean for about 5 years. I was never a full-time addict I was what you would call a binge addict..I would go through these moments of binging and then I would get clean and I wouldn’t use for months and years at a time. During this broken and dark time I got heavy into the drug it was relatively cheap for me. My roommate did not know that I was using she was an older female she wasn’t there half the time. I had only been living with her a few days when I decided that I was going to get high. What’s the one thing I can say about methamphetamine it really opens up your s***** desires and fantasies. I’ve never really questioned my s******** but during this time I found myself attracted to men. Your judgment kind of goes out the window when you’re using drugs and other substances like alcohol. I know with meth it lowers your testosterone level makes your body create more estrogen to try to make up for it which can cause you to have feminine tendencies. During this period I was experimenting with cross-dressing not something I would normally do but remember I wasn’t in my right mind. Looking back on those times I blame it all on the drug because now that I’m completely sober those tendencies do not exist neither do I get any type of urge to dress like that or anything. For some reason I wanted to do some type of vouryerism so I opened the shades to my window it was night time not late but like 1130ish so some people were outside and they could see me the reality was I didn’t know who was watching me. I knew that there were other addicts that lived in the area this was a small Mobile home Park so I knew some of the other residents were what you would call tweakers. I must have caught the eye of several people because at one point I could hear voices and people tapping on the window and I even saw camera lights like if somebody was recording me. At that point I was so high I wasn’t sure if I was imagining these things or it was really happening I found out later that I was not imagining it. At one point I got spooked because I could hear people laughing and then they started to actually bang on the window they removed the screen and were pushing my furniture out of the way. So I’m assuming that there was probably a small crowd. I literally was playing with myself and smoking a meth pipe while people were more than likely watching me. Which of course I wasn’t sure cuz like I said I was really high. Anyway the night passed I didn’t sleep because I was high AF and afraid. The next day I woke up to find that someone had Drew a picture on my window of my car of what looked like me bent over with a dress on and a d**** in my a**. Obviously I did not imagine anything but everything that I thought actually happened.. a day later I went to work. And one of my co-workers kept laughing at me every time he passed by me but I didn’t think nothing of it I was still coming down so I figured I was just tripping. Then I saw him showing his phone to everybody around me and little by little people started making fun of me and then I realized that either he was one of the people that saw me through the window or someone had sent him a video or pictures of what I was doing with my window open. I felt an army of emotions anger regret guilt and embarrassment. I ended up walking off the job. Not that long after that I got clean I ran into the guy that was showing his phone to everybody twice once on the road I tried to chase him down but he drove off. Another time I caught him at the store and he was scared I was with friends and he was alone so he probably thought I was going to try and get him. I never did. Some years later I moved away but I always think about about that night and what I did and how probably there’s people out there that still have videos and pictures of me. I’ve tried to search the web to see if anything pops up on these p*** sites and other threads on social media but nothing comes up. It is technically illegal to record somebody without their consent and since it was private property I’m sure most of these people never shared these videos online but who knows there’s probably something out there and usually s*** like that doesn’t come out until later on when you’re actually trying to do something with your life and someone tries to expose you. Whatever the case I guess I’ll deal with it when the time comes if and when it ever does come. I guess the moral of the story is don’t do drugs and don’t try to show yourself off to your neighbors it’s either you’re going to end up in jail or be exposed on the Internet.
