I was a toxic p************ for like the last 15 years of my life. I slowly lost 90 percent of my friends and spiraled into a multi year long extended psychosis that ended in a serious mental health diagnosis. I did terrible things and took pleasure in them and nobody can convince me that it was OK because i was sick. Being sick doesn’t excuse being a monster. I’m better now, have been for a while, but I’ll have to live with the crushing weight of my sins for the rest of my life. I’m going to die alone on purpose as penance for all the people I’ve hurt. And I’m certainly never going off my mess again.