When I was around 4-6 I would be isolated by my eldest sister who was in her early to mid teens at time and she would tell me to “touch” her in certain places. This happened multiple times on multiple occasions when we were alone. Of course I was a dumb kid and thought that this was fine. I remember this one night when after she told me touch her we fell asleep and then my dad came to her thanking her that she put me to sleep. And when it came to an end she ended up threatening to tell our mom and then ended up telling her but my mom shrugged it off. This led me to believe that they knew what was happening but also don’t know much about it. Of course I could be wrong about this but I honestly don’t know what to think about it. And not only that but I remember projecting these same actions onto my toys. Of course this made me a weird kid but I also think it’s because I was also exposed to a lot of s***** things back then as well. Of course now I can’t trust my mom or dad with this information nor do I want to tell them. Before I came to terms about what happens I would always think that it was in my head and that I was making stuff up, but it always felt too real to be made up. And the effects of this happening were kinda terrible either way. I hate when people touch me, and I hate when I touch other I feel the need to clean my hands and take a shower. And whenever I do feel some sort of s***** desire I feel disgusted and I try to cancel it out by doing other things. And on top of that I’m scared that she might have done this to my younger siblings or my older brother, and I’m scared that she would do something to my nephew. I know that it’s terrible to think of her like this but I can’t help it. She doesn’t act like that anymore or at least that I’m aware of but I can’t get it out of the back of my mind. I dislike being alone with her, and I refuse to talk to her unless I have too.
