When I was 19 I went to a computer course to learn how to use such programs as Excel and the class had a lot of different people there, one girl was amazingly pretty, kind, intelligent and I never had feelings for any one before.

I was quite young not just in age and she was more worldly than me but she liked me and she was kind enough to invite me on two dates. The first date we just met lots of her friends and drank in a pub called the worlds end in Camden Town, the second date was to a kind of medical university staff party in a hotel which she had had partys before like new years eve.

Everything about this girl I liked from her amazing intelligence to her pretty smile and amazing mature eyes with a knowing to them.

I should have told her how I felt, I should have said I am not ready or prepared for you, she brought a girl friend who wore a gold dress and between them they were playing with me but I only wanted to be with her and try to be honest with her but instead I got drunk and aloof, she had a girl friend there that thought I was below her (she was a psychology student and kurt) she asked me why I was being aloof and tried to get me to leave, my head was spinning and I was not brought up in a family that gave me the tools to express myself.

I left and have always thought about her every week, I can still remember every thing about her and how she made me feel, the small things that she did, or even just how her eye lids looked.

I think she was perfect, a one an a million person and I don’t have the courage to look her up encase she thinks some thing bad or it is inappropriate plus even today I am scared about truth and love. Instead seeking short dating.

I really wish I could just tell her how I feel about her even today more so than then but I wont and I leave her not being honest to her or myself.

I am learning piano and hope to one day send her a love song anon on Facebook.