I have been fucked up since the day I was born. If there is any proof that God does make mistakes, then I am that proof. I have so much I would like to confess, but I could type all day long and never get to it all, so I just want to start with a couple things.

I grew up in a religious family, but at 10 I got addicted to p***. I took to p*** the way fire takes to gasoline, and p*** was never enough. I always wanted the real thing.

So when I was 12, I started flashing people. Things that you only hear about pedophiles doing. I was a weird kid on the inside, but on the outside I was a perfectly normal Mormon kid. I got caught, and I talked to the bishop. I even had some counseling, but it made no difference to me.

When I was 14, I wanted to have s** with anyone. I looked up my sister’s junior high yearbook, and I looked up the most unattractive girl I could find. Then I called her and acted like I had a crush on her, but I wouldn’t tell her who I was, or that I was already in 9th grade. I kept talking to her about s**, and I convinced her over the phone to agree to have s** with me. So we met at the park and I had s** there, in the park behind some trees. It was painful for her, and not very good for me, but I got what I always wanted.

I called her later that day and told her that I didn’t go to her school, that I was in high school and I didn’t know her. I have tried so many times to look her up to say I’m sorry but I can’t ever find her.

All my life has been a lie. I have a wife and kids, and my wife only knows a small amount of how fucked up I am. Even though I started out flashing, I swear to God I have never done anything a p******** would do though, and I have never harmed my kids in any way. But the lies I have told over the years prove to me that I am nothing but a worthless p************.

I don’t believe God knows me anymore. I have thought about killing myself countless times, but I just can’t leave my wife and kids, for selfish reasons. So, even though I am too chicken s*** to kill myself, I still want to die and I hope I get cancer or something terminal.

I have never been a good person and I think I was fucked up from the start. I was flawed from the beginning, and yes God does make mistakes.