12 years
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I’m no longer physically attracted to my boyfriend of 3 years. Some of the things he does absolutely disgust me, and the other night we went on a double date at which he ate not only his own food, but half of mine and some of our friends’ meals. I like chubby guys, but he has absolutely stopped giving a f***. He asks me dumb questions, like when I’m eating my oatmeal in the morning, he asks, “What are you doing?” What am I doing? I’m eating f****** oatmeal, what does it look like I’m doing? I get that I’m not easy to be with. I have that whole “depression” mess going on. However, it’s not okay to leave the room when I’m crying and I need to be comforted. He just f****** leaves. He’s emotionally closed off. We get in huge fights over hypothetical situations. I am his first girlfriend. I’m 25 years old, he’s 23. I took his virginity a month after we started dating.

I dream about someone else. I think about someone else when we have s**. I fantasize all day about being with someone else.

I am a monster.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .