12 years
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I have to work with a group in one of my classes and analyze a play. Then we have to go up to the front and talk about it for 15 minutes. After the 14 or so years I’ve been in school, this still terrifies me. I start thinking I’m a good-for-nothing scumbag because I haven’t kept in contact with my group and it’s supposed to be done in two days. I did the same thing in 9th grade and fucked up bad.
Then I just get extremely emotional about how I have it so bad where I can’t even speak to people to get a project done and how this affects everything in my life.

I’m basically depressed about how I have it so bad that I can’t do anything in life because I can’t talk to people, and it only gets worse when I know my problem is insignificant compared to problems many other people have and I’m whining about something I should just get over.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .