12 years
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I have an addiction to the Internet dating sites and live out fantasies online of being a pimp living the high life of the dark underworld. While doing this I have never physically gone through with any of what I have written and never would. Online I live out different characters I have created from pimps to crossdressers. Having this addiction I have been unable to tell anyone around me due to the obscenity of the suggestions and adds I’ve posted. Last night I seriously felt like I was awoken from sleepwalking after being indulged in my phone for hours and hours before receiving a text saying police will soon contact me. I now feel dreadful realizing what I’ve posted and done online and I’m not sure if this will ruin my life. One good thing that has come of it is how much it has shook me up and I know and vow to never return to that dark place. I love my real life even though it has been stressful lately and in my clear state of mind would never intensionally do anything to jeopardize my relationship. Never again will I be in that dark place though now I have to wait and see what the consequences will be. I pray to my god that nobody else will suffer for my biggest regrettable sin.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .