I have very mixed feelings about my life right now. On one hand, I've never been happier or more confident with the way I look and feel about myself. I

12 years

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I have very mixed feelings about my life right now.

On one hand, I’ve never been happier or more confident with the way I look and feel about myself. I finally got the courage to dye my hair and get the piercings I want. I’ve lost a lot of weight – in a healthy way – and I can fit into most of my old clothes now. I can walk around confidently and really not care what other people think of me, except for the people that are actually important to me.

On the other hand, I’ve also been struggling with a kind of depression. I haven’t had a job in several months, and even though I’ve been trying to find one I’ve had little to no luck – only one interview in the last few months and I didn’t get the job. I live with my boyfriend of almost five years and another couple that we’re close with. My boyfriend is great and all, he’s a sweet guy and he cares about me, but I’m unhappy in the relationship and not sure if I want to stay with him. Unfortunately, seeing as he’s my financial support until I can find a job, and I really don’t have the option of going back home to my parents because my dad is an alcoholic and I’d feel unsafe there, this means I either have to stay with him or be homeless. I really DO love him, but I’ve come to resent him for a lot of things, including lack of intimacy and nearly constantly picking on me – to kind of an extreme, almost mean level – and the longer I’m here feeling trapped, the more I’m going to resent him over time. The relationship started great, but has been gradually declining over the years and I’ve tried to talk to him and fix these problems, but it never seems to get through to him and nothing changes. He works a lot, which I can understand, but then gives me significantly less attention than he gives his games. Getting him to agree to have s** is nearly impossible sometimes, and I’m lucky if it happens once a month. I’ve asked permission to do things with other people – that we TRUST, not random people – but he keeps saying no. I’m unsatisfied but I don’t want to/can’t leave and I just don’t know what to do… :<

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You want me to GUT ultra magnus?

Cyclonus

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .