My Mom got a hysterectomy and like some other ‘woman’ parts removed.

Anyways, she is not the same as she was before. I am not sure if they have her on hormones or medication or something but she is not the same as she was.

Before she was ‘sound’ like she made sense inside and out. But now, nothing makes any sense at all. Her ‘inside’ is crazy.

Basically like, she used to always cover herself up, try to make sure like her b**** aren’t showing obviously or like weird position with her shorts being short or something, like 100% made sense I guess.

But then after the surgery, and this was probably 6 years ago or something, it was like she was never the same.

She is like wild and unpredictable. She just makes fun of me all the time. She openly just like lets her breasts just like hang out, not like completely out but like she never tries to cover herself like she did in the past, like she did my entire life before the operation.

She is like a covert narcissist. She goes around and just fucks with me non-stop, for her own pleasure. She hurts me, for her own pleasure. It’s like her brain doesn’t f****** understand it anymore. She doesn’t see me as a person.

One day she like grabbed my hand out of no where and it was like f****** weird. Like I’m her little play thing or some s***.

She acts like nobody is here for anything except for her to f*** with and demean openly.

And nobody says anything, but the thing is, I’m the only person that’s really stuck and doesn’t have a lot of choice. And nobody will believe me or listen to me. Why would they listen to me? It just sounds like I’m speaking ill of my mom but like it’s the f****** truth. But nobody gives a s***, because it’s 110% always all about her, all the time.

Like 5 seconds of negative interaction with her, and I’m spending the next like 2 days, trying to unwind from it. She acts like I’m not worthy to even eat.

She acts like “it’s just a bit of fun” but it’s just not right man but it’s like such a weird fucked up situation because it’s my Mom like I’m trying to figure out what the f***, why would she do this to me…

Like the truth is, it’s really not “just a bit of fun.” She holds an important place in my mind because she is my Mom, but also because she hurt me really bad when I was a kid, so everytime I see her, and she does random things, sometimes it just freaks me out.

But then I try to tell her, it’s like look, I can’t help but being kind of freaked out sometimes, and here is why, and she just flat out denies it and she always has my entire life.

I hope she dies, like everyday. I hate her so much. I can’t f****** live my life, freaking out, non-stop about f****** every stupid f****** random thing she might f****** do, and her psychological manipulation and all this s***. She treats me like I honestly just should crawl into a coffin and just die.

It’s like I was traumatized in part by her when I was a kid, and so I have issues and she triggers that s*** all the time non-stop, BUT she denies that I was ever even traumatized in the first place, and so ‘therefore’ in her stupid way of doing things, there is nothing wrong because there is no trauma in the first place.

But the truth is, I am traumatized by her or it’s associated to her extremely, and so, she freaks me out sometimes and so I wish she could do things a bit more sound and sane and say ok he is kind of freaking out, no problem, I’ll do what I got to do to be more accepting and reasonable about the whole thing.

But instead, she has never changed, and has always held the position, that I was never traumatized and further that childhood trauma doesn’t even exist, like it’s all fake or something. It’s like a ‘be a p************ for free’ pass, you just forever deny that the person was even traumatized in the first place, and go even another step further, and just deny that childhood trauma even exists at all period.

And it’s been like this for literally decades and I’ve been trying to figure this s*** out, like what the f*** is going on…

Like, I haven’t gotten a lot of help from this, but I think I show some borderline traits myself and this is like a classic interaction.

The Narcissist creates the borderline by traumatizing them and then denies that it happened and then winds them up and just fucks with them neverendingly, and the borderline keeps trying to solve it and figure it out but there is no solution within the system, because the issue is that the person, the narcissistic, is just a straight up vile p************, and you can’t actually find a solution within the system of trying to keep them around, the only ‘solution’ itself is to simply 100% remove the person from your life entirely.

It’s like your stuck chasing your own tail and it’s only be coincidence that sometimes the person is removed from your life for a period of time, and all of a sudden, it’s like, wow I am not scared anymore. I can go downstairs and I feel fine. I’m not upset. I’m not freaking out. I’m positive and looking forward to things.

Then they come back, and so does all the s*** that goes along with it. They themselves are the f****** problem. The literal f****** problem. 99%, I’m good to go, as a person. I just need to relax and do my thing, and I would, except for my Mom is a narcissistic psychopath basically.

Good luck out there… I’m probably going to be hiding in my room for literally like the rest of the day. I usually just stay in my room all day long, because everytime I try to go downstairs my Mom shows up, she hears me coming downstairs, and she just starts walking around for no reason and just starts f****** with me. In such a devious conniving f****** way, like she 100% is going to get away with absolutely all of it. And she basically does, and if try to say anything, she DENIES it flat out, and then she gets my Dad to start attacking me and getting upset and it’s like whoooaaa what the f***…