I got here after searching for “why do I hate everyone”. Confess? You don’t have to ask me twice, I’m ready.
My life is total crap. Really, it’s plenty bad. I would swear a lot up in here but that might be rude for this place, so I’ll try to be good.

I’m exhausted. There’s no joy in anything for me anymore. My world slides ever closer to a living hell, as the world around me falls to pieces in a thousand ways, in a thousand places.
I’m depressed. And why shouldn’t I be? What rational person could be happy under these circumstances?
But I’m edgy. My adrenaline is ready in a nanosecond. I perceive slights everywhere. Am I over sensitive? You bet. But maybe the people around me are being jerks too. Maybe I have reason to think that my people are insensitive. They can be.
But why am I here? Probably because I find that I have no one to talk to. No one at all.
My confession is that I am totally alone. No one steers my ship but me.
I must find a way to be my own best friend. Good luck with that. But gee, I’m an awful jerk…no wonder I hate me worst of all.
So I tell my story.
I’m retirement age but with a scanty 5 yrs working experience..I was fooling around with gardens and other nonsense for far too long.
I’m poor, unemployed but a full time caregiver. I live off my parent. (Something else to make me feel crappy.)
I sleep about 4 hrs at a stretch, and poorly. I try to nap 1 hr a day but.. Worry keeps me awake most nights, and days, makes me bite my nails, and occupies about half my waking hours. There’s plenty to worry about:
Money…we sink into a hole. Soon to be borrowing against the house to pay property taxes. All the bills have gone up. I can’t afford to take the cat to the vet. I’m eating less to save money.
Old parent weakens, losing a little ground each day, refuses to part with anything in the house, won’t stop talking to scam artists on the phone.
My one remaining friend is in worse shape than me, so I don’t burden him with my crap.
I told my last partner they could stop calling. Our relationship had devolved in them calling me every morning, but I knew they were only calling because they would rather chew off their own arm rather than say they were done with me (that’s their history, walk away but leaves it for the other to make it officially over)
I guess it was mean to let them keep calling, I could tell they really didn’t want to talk, never really wanted to hear what was happening with me…but I let it go on a year. Sometimes I got a little satisfaction, knowing they were uncomfortable but stuck, unable to even say “let’s cool it for a while”. Oh me. I said “you don’t have to call, we’ll be friends, of course, but pls don’t feel obligated..only call if you want to talk to me..you know..” that was 3 Mos ago. I will call their birthday. But then I’m out.
My prospects are few. When my parent dies, I’ll work for my living til I die. My estimated monthly retirement would be just enough to cover a big electic bill. Oh me.

So I guess my issue is not having any hope. It’s bad now. It’ll get much worse. I had a nightmare a few weeks back that someone killed my cat and me as we slept in my car. Yep, I figure to be homeless in the not so far future.
I’d be scared if I could feel anything.
I’d cry if I could.

I appreciate this site. I am grateful for making it so easy. I feel like a loser emailing myself.
Funny, that last sentence made me start crying. I am a fool.
But I thank you for this opportunity.
I hope to return sometime. I’d love to detail some of the truly awful things going on for me just now…but didn’t want to spill it all at once.
Also…I know this will possibly be read by others. Oh me.