I’m a burden to my mom. I’ve never been what she wanted me to be. All my life she wanted me to be more feminine and normal. And I turned out to be bisexual and trans. I’ve come out and she’s ignored it. So I follow along so I don’t have to talk about it anymore and know how disappointed she is with my existence. I’m 18 now and want to go to the best cooking school in the country, but it’s far and I didn’t even start driving until 6 months ago, so I lack the experience to defend myself on the road or drive long distances. We tried jt today, to drive on the highway but we were suddenly across a road blockage and I didn’t know what to do, so she had to take the wheel, specially because a car almost crashed into us moments before. Now she sent me a message admiting that me wanting to study so far is causing her stress because I don’t know how to drive properly. I feel like a failure and a joke. I was supposed to start studying this month but because of my ineptitude, I couldn’t. So she post-poned it until the start of next year. In the message she sent, she said she knows I won’t be ready. I feel horrible. All of this could have been avoided if she only had the balls to abort me like she wanted to. I’m a mistake anyways, I shouldn’t be here anyways. I feel like my only choice is to kill myself, but I’m too scared to do it. But it’s for the best. That way she she’ll only need to stress about planning a funeral, but if I go through with it then I’ll write a half-a** will to get cremated, it’s the cheapest option i belive. I’ve always been a burden and just this omen of bad luck. I’m going to kill myself. I just need to get the courage to do so.
