I wish I could kill myself in a way that was guaranteed. I’m so sick and tired of hearing “It’ll get better” “Things will look up” “You’ll get better”. When? Stop condescending me. It’s been over 20 years. If it hasn’t gotten better it isn’t going to. But, everyone keeps bitching that I should stay here. For what? To be alone? To struggle? To burden myself? Why? It’s all f****** pointless. I don’t believe in your “god” I don’t care what he’d think because he isn’t real. I don’t care what my family thinks, they haven’t been around since I was a kid anyway. I was a f****** live in nanny to them. My friends will get over it. I just want to f****** die. But, even jumping off a f****** bridge isn’t guaranteed.