13 years
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after 26 years apart from my ex-wife, i’m still in love with her and can’t move on. i even married again many years ago, but it didn’t take because, to be honest, my heart just wasn’t in it, though to be fair, i don’t think hers was either. i thought it would help me move on, but it didn’t help at all.

she remarried a couple years ago too, and i’m so jealous of him.

we stay in touch because the child we had together, and now our grandkids, and every time i see her or even a photo of her, i get so overwhelmed i just about lose it. i think about her on and off all day, i go to sleep thinking about her, i dream about her still loving me, i wake up thinking about her and wishing i could just stay in the dream.

if i could go back in time to anywhere in my life and change one thing, i’d go back and do whatever it takes to never lose her.

i don’t know if that makes me pathetic or just a hopeless romantic, or what, but it feels awful to live with this every day and know there’s nothing i can do about it.

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I f****** hate you (bf) , you f****** manipulative,hypocrite, emotionally abusive, vaping, life draining, wannabe player b******. I.HATE YOU. I still deeply resent you. This is why everyone thinks you’re an a****** at your job. You’re not some anti-hero that you claimed to be. No- You’re just an a******. Point blank . Especially to me of all people! You always take it out on me, and you still wonder why I won’t touch you like that or shut down completely with you. Everytime you sense or feel even an inch that im happy, peaceful, something I enjoy doing you immediately smash that down so you can feel better and have power over me. What’s funny is that every time you’re in the wrong, overstep your boundaries, make me really upset or talk crap to me – karma smacks you right in the face everytime & you don’t even realize it. Funny how you’ve said yourself that people spit at the sky just for it to come back-yet you’ve done the exact same thing too – you’re not godlike or safe from getting karma, even I’ve dealt with karma too when I was in the wrong many times too. So no- you’re not a misunderstood dark knight turn bad like the joker you claim to be. You’re just an egotistical bigoted jerk & everyone can see that except you. I hate myself that I fell for your facade – lovebomb trap years ago . And all the times that you’ve talked crap about other’s appearances, especially women’s, karma yet again smacked you in the face & put on a ton of weight and still wonder why you haven’t lost pounds but still continue on demanding me to cook & make you even more food despite you complaining about it , hmmmm , gee I wonder why. Anyways , glad to vent that out .