this letter is for the first person ive loved and still love
Hi —–
I have a lot of things on my mind, some thoughts are pleasant, and some are just persistent and annoying. I think you’re one of those thoughts.

I don’t know where to start, but I think I’ll say what I want because I have no intention of showing you this letter.

I think its crazy the fact that you had the ability to dismiss whatever we had so easily when I think about you every day. I’ve tried everything to get you off my mind.

I think about you when I sit alone in bed thinking about my future. I just want you around me, which is weird as f***, Idk I would think it’s weird if someone gave this letter to me after I cut off ties with them. Although I did lie that time I texted you that I loved you, I shortly actually fell in love with you, I’m not sure if it were your music taste, the way you laughed, or the way you would tell jokes that not everyone would understand, But as much as I noticed the small beautiful things about you, I noticed the bad things too. And I sorta hate you for it. I hated the way you dismissed the people you didn’t like, I hated the sneer, heartless comments you would sometimes make, and most of all, I hated the fact that you legit lied to me the first few hours we started dating; I honestly found it funny, my first relationship lasting less than a day. Most of my friends laugh it off, and I’m sure whoever reading this would probably dismiss whatever I said and will say. But it is what it is, even though I don’t think I can accept it, sometimes I think to myself whether it was something I’ve done, maybe if I didn’t accidentally ask you how much the sweater you gave me cost because I just wanted to make small talk, maybe if I walked you back to your dumbass mustang that has an uncomfortably short roof, or maybe if i wasn’t so awkward because you overwhelmed me so much. I don’t know exactly why I’m so attached to you, but I’ll do anything to fall out of love with you because, honestly, I can’t handle the fact that we are probably never going to speak again. Every day, I wake up thinking about you, about the fact that ill never see your pretty face again, and honestly, it kills me. You’ve moved on, and sometimes I like posting pictures to make it seem like I’m happy and I moved on, but I would like nothing more than to be in your arms. I think about you every time I see your favorite color, every time a love song comes on, and I know it’s probably weird or creepy, but I still kept the piece of paper you gave me your number on that one day. I don’t think I ever felt happier in my entire life that day, the fact that someone felt even a fraction of the way I felt towards them.
Other people describe you as a narcissist with anger issues, and honestly, what bothers me is the fact that I would like you either way, and that’s not good, lol. I considered that maybe I’m just a weird-a** obsessed b****, that would explain a lot, but I don’t get deathly jealous thinking about you in a relationship; in fact, it doesn’t really bother me. I’ve blocked you on everything, hoping to get a reaction, and you did nothing. Although it’s a bit late, I’m just starting to think that either you’re shallow or the feelings you had for me were.
I f****** hate the fact that it makes me sad or mad to hear your name; I wish your name didn’t mean anything to me. What’s even worse is that I would never even take you back even if you came back with an apology, and honestly, I know how delusional it is to even consider the fact that you would come back, lmao. Its frustrating because even if I wanted to fall in love with someone else, I couldn’t. I’m uninterested in every person but you; I can’t even find anyone else attractive emotionally.
I would do anything and everything to forget you, and if this s*** keeps weighing on me like this, I might just do something stupid.
-that one chick