so if my best friend may be dying, and he just told me.. how am i supposed to react… im crying… cant stop… and he didnt want me to know cause he feared this reaction.. but this guy… this guy is more than a friend, he’s my family, my brother… the only one that has this strange ability to just make everything else disappear.. he has ust been here no matter what… if sometimes we need to shut each other out, we both understand, we can just need our space for a while, than come back as if nothing ever changed..
we know each other so perfectly… with just a glance, he knows what mood im in, if im fine. One hug and he makes it all go away… He makes it all seem so..futile.. Always here… He was, he IS always here… I just can’t believe it… His heart can just give in at any moment… his immunity is all fucked up… He’s in his f****** 20’s for god’s sake! This is way too unfair!
And now what… He tried to make it seem as a joke… But I know him too well… Knew he was just trying to protect me when he realised it killed me… Cause that’s what he has always been.. My protector… And as my protector, I guess he can’t make me suffer…
I once saw the look on his face when he thought he was gonna lose me… Is this the look on my face now? Shock, fear, pain… and mostly, emptiness…
I’m glad he didnt anounce it to me live… Cause I know I can’t ever show him these tears.. I promised… No “tragic moments”…. Nothing has to change… He just needed to tell me… As if it was one of those random events we tell each other just for the fact that we’re best friends “oh yeah I’m seing x again”, “oh I fougt with my parents today”… No reactions are expected.. Just the fact that we know the other person knows everything, just to make sure we know each others perfectly…
I have to be strong… But the more I write, the more I realise how important he is to me… I know there’s still hope.. For now, there really is hope.. But still… Knowing that things are so fragile…
I love you… You’re probably never gonna read this, and that’s for the best :p but I hope you know I love you much more than I ever showed you…
<3 and now as promised, no tragic moments…. so I officially anounce you I have a huge smile on my face now, just thinking about us…
I love you
