i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep i should be asleep s**, drugs, loneliness, failure, health, school, work, bills, life, love, her, just leave me alone. i cannot be a superhero. why can i not be content and just work hard. i get so tired. can i just rest easy? maybe i just have some things i need to get off my chest. first of all I am a complete failure in my book. I love her because she is the last one I loved. But she is also very special to me until she proves otherwise. Maybe it would be good to piss her off so I can move on, but I did that when I was a kid and it’s juvenile. I love you ok. I f****** love you because- I think you did love me. But it’s over. It’s done. I know that. I fucked up. You moved on because you had to and you’re normal and you deserve it. And you love yourself. And you’re strong. And intelligent. And beautiful to boot. And you have been through hell. It’s no wonder I love you. But I cannot seem to settle down and just get strong. I need it more than I need you. I need it more than my damn brain knows, because my brain keeps me awake. It keeps me on you. It keeps me strung out. F***. I need to take control. Now.