I like my best friend but they are now in a relationship with another person from our friend group. I should be happy for them, but then again, I’m not. An other friend of mine (let’s refer to her as N), she has said for almost a year now that we are gay for each other and although I deny it straight away on the outside, deep down I know that I like them. I’ve been denying it for so long but now it’s too late. Is it bad that I want her new partner dead? Is it my fault? I don’t even know anymore. I’m such good friend with her as well but now, everything feels like it’s changed. Should I even still talk to them? Should I talk to them about my feelings? Will everything still be the same? I feel like everything has changed now. I talked to N and assured that they were actually in a relationship, but even N doesn’t know my feelings deep down. I have no other friends apart from them and 3 others but they are all happy for them. All, but me. Well, N isnt really fond of their relationship because she doesn’t think they are right for each other but what is this feeling? Is it jealousy, rage, sadness. I see them on Monday but I feel like everything has changed. But when they do break up, they will probably split the whole friend group up too. I like her. Her partner is such an attention seeker too. Why does she find them attractive? Why not me? Is it because I denied her for too long? What is this feeling? What is wrong with me? Is it bad that I feel this way? I can’t just talk to her like I would normally now. We will become distant and I don’t want that. I want her and N. No one else. But now it’s just them. They’ve been going out for 3 days now and me and N have already been pushed aside. We used to go to the beach and everything. But now, we are growing distant from her. I just want her back. I want back, the way it was. I can’t talk to anyone about this, I’ll just get judged or laughed at. She’s so pretty and nice, I don’t want to lose that or her, or even our friendship. I just want it to be the way that it was, once again….