I have entered no-man’s land. Nobody gives a f*** if I live or die. I would pray to God to forgive me for my sins- but the only one I ever hurt was myself. I have been trying to cope for 11 years. Each day my body grows older and uglier. Actually this year, I am at a point where I don’t even care as much. I just work work work all day and all night. I don’t even mind working my life away. What I do mind is how I won’t be missed when I leave this world. I won’t be acknowledged if I stay. I can’t get strong enough to suit my liking because I fade every day. I am not broken on the inside. Only the outside. I have no use. People have imprisoned me out of prison. I have been alone for almost ten years inside. And I am supposed to say I am sorry for my sins? Well if that improves my situation- Dear God I am sorry for my sins. I am sorry I used to f*** myself and degrade my integrity and self-worth and honor. I stopped because it was killing me, and although other things are killing me- I find more honor in them killing me. I am sorry I loathe people that loathe me first. I am sorry I stung the girls that gave up on me. Every single one of them more shallow than they claim I am. I am sorry about Laura. I was tricked by another girl. I am sorry for talking back to my mother when she was needed most and refused to be my ally in this hell on earth. I am sorry for all the women who have been raped by men, but they got to see the end of their hell and return to normalcy. Really I am defeated. You all have stripped me of everything I have. I keep living in defiance of all I deem wrong in the world. So f*** off. Everyone. You don’t give a f*** I don’t either. I was born with such a blazing fire to do good and now it is out. Only ashes remain. And all you fuckers talking about suicide are pussies. So shut the f*** up. Nobody gives a f*** about your problems. You want to see problems go visit a burn victim or a kid with cancer. Go visit someone paralyzed. Who gives a f*** if you’re ugly. So am I. I don’t give a f***. Life is a f****** b**** anyways in the end for all. So shut the f*** up and grow a pair. Quit talking about suicide because nobody gives a f*** about anyone else pretty or ugly. I see a pretty girl I just wanna f*** her. I dont then want to hear about how i am not good enough or her critique on all things not pretty. Humans are all pigs. So shut the f*** up already.