I am always miserable and I’m not sure why. I genuinely have no clue. I can’t even listen to my friends talking about their other friends without feeling pained, which I know isn’t normal because they’re people and they’re allowed to have lives outside of me. That’s the weird part, actually. I’m usually rational and objective. I understand that my sadness lately is misplaced and ungrounded, but that’s not good enough to keep me from crying every time ‘Bloody Nose’ plays on Pandora. The last time I went through something like this was two years ago, and I was sure I almost lost my best friends that year. But they stuck by me anyway; they’ve dealt with so much crap from me that I kind of feel like I owe it to them not to tell them what I really feel all the time. I just can’t make myself tell anyone that every other thing that happens to me makes me feel incredibly lonely and despondent.
I genuinely just want to give up and go to sleep, since I know that I can’t really focus on my work at the moment. But my rational part of my brain is telling me that I have no choice, and I wish that my emotional brain would just shut up for just one day and listen to the side of me that really knows what’s going on.