“Today I’ve learned that it’s normal for some childhood s***** assault survivors to become s** addicts. While that fact makes me feel like less of a freak… It feels like my abusers have another controlling hand on me even this many years after the abuse. It feels like maybe I don’t know my body at all and my willingness to be k**** may be just be a trauma response. Maybe I’m just this submissive to men because I’m deep down scared that they’ll just make me anyway. 🤦🏻♀️ I sure wish I had someone I could talk this over with in person. I need to find other sa survivors”
“I want to be fucked so hard and rough that I almost pass out. I want to be s******* abused and bitten and cut, I want to bleed all over myself and him I want him to lick up the blood I want to be in tears by the time it’s over from the amount of s***** stimulation I’ve had. And then when it’s over I want him to hold me softly and stroke my hair while telling me he loves me. I want him to softly tend to my wounds and kiss them and just be the sweetest to me.”
“Go ahead. Ask that dumb b**** Siren why she wont put a stop to this even though it would take her five minutes of talking but still shows up to get abused. Ask that dumb b**** why she still loves me but cant stop hurting me and pushing me away. Theres no answer that makes sense other than shes evil and insane. Siren is a bully playing with hearts who has had been beaten at her own game. She has given me all the power she once held over me without realizing. I will wield that power recklessly and wirth a smile. I know im right. I know we belong together. I know her love could cure me. I know her mans a creep. She is the bad guy, not me. Im just the bullied and misunderstood special ed kid striking back at the popular girl after way too much gaslighting and petty mind games.”
“I have reason to believe I am mentally abused or at least gaslit by people I love. I wanna get a test to see if I have mental illnesses too but people tell me I’m just dramatic. I don’t blame them for saying stuff, but I wanna hope that they someday see the damage they do to me.”
“I will never be enough for anyone. I’m sorry that I’ve let everyone down, I’m nothing. I worked so hard to prove I had a place in this world just to have it spit in my face. I’m sorry that I let myself be abused. I’m sorry that I’m so annoying. I’m sorry I failed everyone. I’m not gonna die, no I can’t cause anymore problems but sometimes I wish I could disappear. I’m a worthless welp and I deserve every bad thing that’s happened to me. I don’t want sympathy, I just want to feel something. I’m sorry.”
Siren/Corvallus and Johnny