i am terrified at the idea of dying, so much so that i’ve begun to dread every birthday that signifies i’m getting older, and i can’t sleep sometimes with the fear of never waking up. i don’t know why i feel this way. im not old (not even an adult yet), im in good health, but the thought of closing my eyes and never being able to open them again fills me with a painful kind of horror and i don’t know what to do.
I dread the fact i will die and there is nothing i can do about it. i just want to feel safe and unburdened again.
i hate the fact that i can make and laugh at harmless “killing myself” jokes when i feel the exact opposite.
i just want to be okay. i just want to sleep, and know i will always wake up. i just want to be safe.
i’m so tired.
