These days I’ve been angry at many things. Everything can rub me the wrong way, no matter how small it is and no matter how much time was it since something angering happened. It’s also been really frustrating. I’m trying to cope with depersonalization episodes as well. (I have had a terrifying one in the past and I don’t want it to happen ever again. I believe it is largely connected to my thanatophobia and “what happens after death”.) I’m just seriously frustrated and want to enjoy myself like in the good old times. I don’t want to worry with my thoughts. I wish I could live a purer, happier life. Especially since I’m only a teenager and I don’t want my life to be a half-assed attempt at it. I don’t want to live crippled in whatever way. I don’t want to ever have be medicated. Right now I just want everything to go “p***”!

Dear God, I’m counting on you, I have no one else to count on at this point. I brace myself and hope for a change. Somehow I know something positive is around the corner, but right now, I have to cut all thru this, so to say. You must not lose hope…