I still hate you. I’ve tried to forgive you a hundred times, I’ve gotten over you for months at a time, but you changed the core of who I am. I know that right now your life situation is objectively worse than mine and you like to use that as an excuse…but at least you were never dehumanized, at least you never had your dignity stripped from you and spit back in your face by someone you cared deeply about.

I know that you never set out to hurt me, I know it’s been almost a year…I know I absolutely need to move on. But, how can you forgive someone who made you feel worthless in a hundred different ways? Who went out of their way to show you that you weren’t enough and ultimately used you to gain access to someone they actually had feelings for? And I complied, nearly every step of the way. Vulnerable, and totally in denial. And I still feel like filth when I think about it. My way of moving on is doing everything in my power to ensure I am never taken advantage of again like that. But, make no mistake, there’s nothing you could do to make it better.

We’ll probably never talk again. You’ll never really know, just like I wont ever know your true motivations.

Right now, my main solace is that you opened my eyes to a harsh reality, and you made me realize that I need to be hyper-vigilant about who I trust. I will watch like a hawk for the red flags you showed. And I will never, ever be used again… it took me a while to realize but you are the worthless one. Not me. Just because I don’t have anyone right now doesn’t mean that I’m unlovable or that I don’t deserve better.I can’t wait until you’re just a bad memory. And I hope I can fully forgive you soon.