I feel like I don’t have any idea who I am. My dreams and goals have changed so much throughout the years I feel like I’m just playing a character. Sometimes I don’t even feel like a real person. I change myself to fit what the people around me in the moment prefer. I’m someone different to everyone in my life. I just want to make everyone in my life proud of me, but how can I do that when I don’t even know who I am? I also have bipolar disorder which makes the feeling of not being real even worse. It also makes the need to please everyone around me even stronger. I suffer with depression as well. As soon as I upset someone or even think I have it’s like the end of the world for me because I just need every single person I come across to like me. I know that’s not possible but after 24 years of life I still haven’t been able to make it go away. I hate myself. Not the way I look or anything like that but me as a person. I hate that I was born with mental illness. I hate that I have to be on medication for the rest of my life just to function. I hate that I didn’t get to have a dad growing up. I wonder all the time who I would be if I did have a dad. How different would my life be? Would I not be so afraid of everyone in my life leaving? I hate the way that I think and I hate my personality. I feel like all I do is annoy everybody even when they tell me I don’t. I just want to know who I am and learn how to love her.