Is there a god? Is there a divine, ultimate reality beyond this? I need to f****** know. I’m so tired of all this b*******, this f****** life that seems to go on forever without any sort of rewards, without any…I’m closed in, and I don’t know why. I can’t seem to grow beyond this bubble, no matter what I do. Anxiety, depression, fear–yet I fight them, I beat the s*** out of them and they just return, when I’m fed up, when I can’t take any more. They find me again, like now. Sitting here, wondering what the f*** happened that things should be like this, pointless, fruitless. I wonder whatever could I have done to deserve this hell of emptiness. This fruitless f****** existence. How could I not lose my f****** patience? I’ve been god-damned patient enough. I’ve been persistent. And what do I have to look forward to but to return to that house full of f****** dysfunctional lunatics as my only social interaction, my only “friends” here. These aren’t friends. That friendship is dead. I won’t have it. God, if you’re there, please, give me some kind of sign. Something. Anything. I can’t take this anymore. I’m so f****** tired.