I’m a 30 yo woman and I’ve never been in love, never had a boyfriend or a date, a real first kiss… no man has ever shown an interest in me (that I know of)…The only time a man actually said to me he find me attractive, was an uncle who tried to abuse me. When i was in highschool i had a huge crush on a classmate but he just saw me as a friend… i think that’s the first and last time i’ve felt that way about anyone. I know I’m not ugly but my selfsteem is really low. I have a few friends (if I’m very optimistic), some from highschool, some from college and my previous job but I don’t really talk to them because if I don’t write them/call them, they don’t call me either. I don’t drink and I don’t like crowded places so they stopped inviting me out…. That and a lot of other things that make me feel like if I die or go missing someday, my family would be the only one who would miss me because I know I’m not the type of person other people miss, like If i don’t go to a party or a class no one would say “oh, i miss her, i wish she was here”….an Iknow this because when i was in college i got sick and didn’t go to class for like a week or so and no one noticed.
I’m always told that i’m a good, caring, loving person but i’m extremly shy and insecure…. most of the time i’m ok with the life I have, I mean, I’m a designer and people like what i do (but i always think everyone else is more talented than me and anyone can do what i do)… overall i’ve had a good life but when i start to think about all of the above and the things i haven’t achieved, i get really sad and it hurts… and it’s even worse when i go to facebook because all “my friends” are in a relationship/married/having childrens/steady jobs/a great social life…. and then there’s me…the only thing exciting in my life rn is that i have to take my dog to the vet for his rabies shot.

I’ve been feeling this way for a very very long time so I just wanted to write this somewhere… (and no, despite everything, i don’t have suicidal thoughts)