I found out that my girlfriend was going to commit suicide.

She never came to me though. I never got a call…a text….anything. I would have had no idea. She always insists on trying to help me. But….I want to be able to help her and it seems…I can’t. Her dog kept her from shooting herself. Not me.

She always is telling me how communication is important…and that we have to work on my severe trust issues among other things…..but how am I supposed to do that when she won’t come to me with something so important?

I’m always the last to know things….and it really hurts.

I’m sorry that I can’t be the boyfriend you brag about all the time to apparently everyone. I know I have issues. This is all going so fast….I don’t know how to handle it. We’re completely opposite on most things, and that’s not a problem…it works in our favour most of the time. But intimacy scares me. You love to kiss, you love s**…to be touched. I know next to nothing of pleasing anyone…why else would I continue to ask what you want? I do it because I’m afraid of losing the one person who has made me feel again. I do a lot of things that scare me…make me uncomfortable and that I don’t necessarily like…because love is about sacrifice, and I thought if I continued to do things out of my comfort zone, it’d eventually get better.

But I feel myself slipping away. And you already know that.