I have been thinking about death for the past several weeks. I am not planning my suicide. There are no tools picked, nor date chosen.

But the thought of death is a comfort.

I hate the idea of hurting those that I love. But sometimes the pain of putting one foot in front of the other is just so heavy a burden that I don’t know if I can keep doing it.

I keep telling myself that I just have to get through another day, another hour, another minute, that there are those that depend on me.

I am terrified of the day when no one will depend on me anymore. I am terrified that then I will no longer have a reason to fight.

I want to die. I am so exhausted. But I have to fight. I cannot hurt the people I love.