I’m on a depression medication that works, meaning that I’m pretty sure it works. I had been growing steadily worse from age 8 to age 16 when we (my family and I) thought it might finally be time to consider pills. My mother says I’ve been more myself since beginning it and I’ve felt much happier, I think. I feel like I can’t be sure if feeling okay all the time is fake or overkill or what since I’m not exactly sure how the emotions of “normal” people work from personal experience.
My experiences with missing doses over the past year have been horror shows, and I’ve been worrying that I may need to be taking these for the rest of my life because I can’t “exist” or at the very least be considered someone with normal, credible emotions in society without being chemically augmented. I don’t buy into the whole “medication is just a way to keep you artificial and complacent” ideology, but this is still a scary thought for me. The only existence I remember is touched by depression, and I’m still very young with what is hopefully a long life ahead of me.
Sometimes, I wonder if it’s even worth it, because even though I’m not in a corner crying about it, I still often think I’m simply a friendless, boring, evolutionarily/societally obsolete individual. I simply don’t care about it as much and go about my business.