Taking care of a dying grandparent, been raped and left for dead, homeless, divorced, and surviving in that dysfunctional insane asylum called a “home” you’d think all that strength would have prepared me for now. Well it didn’t – for the absolute loneliness I feel everyday and that the loneliness would creep up in every instance imaginable. Quite grateful for a roof over my head and food on the table. Helping others, do all day. So why, is it that the mask I wear of being the “happy bubbly” one gets me no where in the love department? Yes, everyone wants to be loved and everyone deserves to be..why can’t I believe in that for myself?
Does it stem from the non-compassion and lack of love that I was shown by my parents? Why please tell me why I can’t believe in it for me? Keep hoping that I will pass on from this place in my sleep. I don’t want to die, I just want to experience life and its memories that come with in instances.