I have to struggle every day with giving all of my love and care to someone who does not, nor will ever feel the same way about me. I am madly, truly, and deeply in love with a man who uses me as his own emotional manipulation, and I allow myself to be manipulated. I know very well that he will never love me the way I love him, but I cannot stop the manipulation by cutting him out of my life because I’ll always believe that one day he will love me back. I believe that if I continue to let him treat me this way, he will see my love and dedication to him and he will love me too. I have been physically and emotionally abused by every boyfriend I have had since the age of 14, and I am only 18. This man, however, is the first and only man that I have ever been in love with. I’d do anything for him, I’d kill for him and I’d die for him. He is who I think about before I go to sleep and immediately when I wake up. I see peoples’ stories about love and the kind things that their others do for them and it makes me cry out of sadness. I would do anything for him, but he wouldn’t do anything for me, he won’t even talk to me for a couple minutes, he tells me I don’t deserve that. I believe it. I have often thought about ending my life so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of losing him, because I know sooner rather than later he’ll grow bored of me and leave me, again. I try so hard to be what he wants. I try to make myself prettier when he told his friends, and myself, that I’m ugly. I lost weight because he called me fat and unappealing. I stopped talking to friends he didn’t approve of. I changed my personality so I wouldn’t embarrass him anymore. And yet I’m still not good enough. I love him, I love him more than I’ve loved anything my whole life. What makes me so unloveable?