Mike,
Seeing as I’m not speaking to you anymore, the best I can really do is post this here and hope I somehow feel better. I’m still so hurt over everything that happened back a few months ago. We were best friends for 3 years and I honestly felt like I could trust you with anything up until shortly before I told you what I’d done. I was scared, I wanted to tell you from the start but after some of the things you said and did, I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. Turns out it wasn’t. The thing is, even though I know you were dealing with your own problems too, I really think you could have helped what I did to never happen. I asked you for help, I talked to you about my feelings for him all the time. Probably so much that you just got tired of hearing it, I guess. But you could have helped. You could have DONE something, even just talked to me, rather than drifting away and leaving me to do what I thought I wanted. But no, I did it. And when I finally built up the courage to confide in you, you promised me it would stay our secret. You swore you wouldn’t tell and you KNEW how scared I was to tell you in the first place. But you told anyway. You “couldn’t handle” keeping a detail about my personal life a secret, and not only did you tell someone you KNOW likes to meddle with other people’s relationships, you also told SEVERAL of our other friends. Do you know how hard it is to look some of them in the eyes now when I talk to them, knowing that they know what I did? It’s not their business, and I wanted them to know I would have told them myself! What’s worse is that you even told my BROTHER, and used actual bits of the chat the night I confessed to prove to him that it was true! It was NEVER your call to tell anyone. You promised! I’m not even mad about the fact that you gave me that stupid “you have two weeks to tell him what you did” ultimatum, believe it or not I HAD planned on telling him when I was ready. But you just couldn’t leave it be and let me handle my life and my relationship.
I also told him what you did to me. I figure you deserve to know, if you ever find this. After all, you were the one who didn’t want me keeping any secrets from him. So of course I’d tell him that one. How you touched me, without my permission, when I was barely awake and had the nerve to say you only did it because I “didn’t tell you no”? Silence is not consent! I was afraid, not of you, but of the consequences to my friendship with both you and Krystal. I didn’t know what to do so I stayed quiet and pretended to be asleep and hoped you’d stop. And speaking of Krystal, have you told her about that yet? Because it seems to me that you two still have a good friendship, although I doubt that would be the case if you had told her. Hypocrite.
Regardless, I guess the message that I want to get across is that I’m still angry with you, but I don’t hate you. I know I messed up when I did what I did, but I owned up to it and it really bothers me that you can stand up on your pedestal and judge me when you’re so terrified of anyone finding out what you did. I’m not gonna wish anything bad on you, because that’s just immature and I wont sink that low. But I can honestly say that thanks to your hypocrisy and inability to keep promises or secrets, I no longer feel that I can trust anyone 100%. So thank you. Thank you for being my best friend, for s******* abusing me, and for ultimately betraying my trust and causing me to lose faith in being able to trust any other person.