I do not know where to start with this. It is currently 4 am, yet another sleepless night. I wish to write this now, in hope that in the future I can look back and be happy with my improvement.

Recently my mental health hasn’t been too well. I also think that I might have ADHD, but I guess I won’t know since I don’t really have the courage to bring it up in front of my parents. The more I am educated about it the more I notice the little things I do that are very common symptoms.

I feel like my friends are leaving me behind, everyone is moving on and I’m stuck in one place. All I can do is hope that it’s just my overthinking, but sometimes when all you say is ignored it’s hard to believe it. I do love them though, really.

I’ve also struggled with religion, I don’t really want any of it, all it’s ever done for me is bring people apart. I do not feel comfortable practicing something like that when I’m not doing it for the right reasons. But growing up in a partly religious family I had no other choice.

School is starting soon and as much as I would want to say that I’m ready, I’m terrified. What if I’m not smart enough? What if I fail everything? What if I can’t secure my own future because of that so called “wasted potential”? I am not the person who has the potential, I’m the person who can’t reach it and everyone’s expectations are getting to me more than they should.

I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, with my appearance, with my s********, I hate myself because of the things I do that make me myself.

Regarding my hopes for the future, I wish my family understands. Why I am the way I am, that I need time to figure stuff out. That I have some problems but do not talk about them because I don’t want to upset others. I wish that I’m happy, that I got accepted to the university I wanted. I wish that I am comfortable with myself, in every possible way. I wish that I am helping people with their own problems, since I want to be a therapist. ( Although I understand that in order to do that I must defeat my own demons first ).

I apologize if this made you feel bad, it wasn’t my intention for this to be a vent letter. I was writing what first came to mind, I guess I should say welcome to my head. If you feel the same way about some of these things, or anything else for that matter, I wish you happiness in the future. We all deserve that much.

<3