Hello friends, your friend Corvallus here and it’s that time of year again where I’m hungry for pungent assgas, I’m paying $3 per flatulation and $10 for a triple ripper right in my face. Let me huff and enjoy your noxious backdoor burps. SPECIAL: any ripper over 3 seconds will be paid DOUBLE.

If you make me vomit from the smell you get a sawbuck, no questions asked! No fart machines or otherwise artificial farts, I’m a purist.

I’ve got money if you’ve got that mudhoney! My former lover Lucretius once farted in a plastic produce bag, brought it to my house and put it over my head. I was wretching while my d*** was bouncing around like a 64 Impala on hydraulics.

CORVO BREEDO