We were at his place, me and a bunch of friends. They left and I stayed. you see, we had something going on, i liked him. I think he did too, no im sure

14 years

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We were at his place, me and a bunch of friends.
They left and I stayed. you see, we had something going on, i liked him. I think he did too, no im sure he did too.
Because you see, he raped me that night, but he wasnt violant. the look in his eyes wasnt an angry look, it was kind of coming from love.
Love? yeah, i lost the meaning of that word. He took everything that night. I was 15. I didnt know what he was doing with me, nor the sensations i was having during.
He touched me in all the places i didnt want him too.
He talked to me, that was the worst part, he asked me i liked it, and guess what? i was ashamed to say yes, so i said no. and that made him want more.
You see, i always immagined my frst time to be with someone i loved, on the beach maybe, in the forest. I wanted it to be special. Well, it was indeed special.
I didnt really say no, i just let him do what he wanted, touch me where he wanted, tell me what he wanted.
Maybe if i had said no, maybe he would have stopped. If i had hit him, maybe he would have understood that i wasnt ready for this.
Everybody tells me that this is my body, and no one’s allowed to touch me without my conscent, but.. what if that’s not how i feel?
I dont feel anything anymore. I had all those sensations when i didnt want to. And now that i do, i dont.
Simply confess? not that easy.. confess, hmm let’s see.. It has to be the same way as the r*** for me to enjoy it. that counts as a confession right?
I can’t even feel when my girlfriend kisses me, and I LOVE HER!! I can’t even be with her, it suffocates me..
AND I LOVE HER.. yes, with her, i remembered what that word meant,i gained my smile back, i sleep again.
I’m scared of hurting her. Of hurting everyone around me. And i know that i am..
But i know one thing though, It’s not the end.

New Confession

didnt i tell you that if you kept f u c k i n g with me i would ruin your g o d d a m n life? you wanted to keep f u c k i n g threatening me and my family, you even sent my n u d e s out to my family and called everyone of us trash becaue i refused to go gay for you. you are nothing you pathetic f u c k. you will never know remorse or regret because you’re a sociopathic r a p i s t f u c k and i told the officer that if you pulled up on me again before they got to you with that warrant i would take your f u c k i n g life. the officer told me to do what i had to, to protect myself even if i had to curb s t o m p a m o t h e r f u c k e r. you slashed my tires, f u c k e d wiring up trying to cut my brakes and told me that if i went gay for you then you would leave me alone and stop f u c k i n g my life up. MY BOYY. You cost me a few hundred, but i make more in a day than you do in two weeks. you only set me back 20 minutes installing new tires and wires. your dumb a s s didn’t even cut the brakes, you cut my f u c k i n g wiring that cost like 5 dollars… you really are the worst f u c k i n g sociopathic stalker. you left way too many clues in your words letting us know who you were, especially when you pinged your location and sent it to me to show off where you were. you really just f u c k e d with the wrong one. also, when speaking to the officers they said there were a few others that had came to them with the same stories but they had no proof or evidence of it being you, however, i had dealt with you for so long and kept off your radar that i guess you slipped up and just forgot that i was the wrong mother f u c k e r to f u c k with. goodbye mccormick.

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Beautiful starlet at the end of the day.