5 years
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I saw the lady and the girl going door to door. Obvious Jahovas’ Witnesses or the like and I got a crazy Idea. For a good 20-25 minutes I stroked my c*** keeping myself on the edge of o***** until they came up my side of the street. I was so ready to explode when I opened the door after they rang the bell. I have always made alot of c** and squirted on the kind of pretty, and younger of the two ladies who was maybe 20 or so. The first was a thick blob of sperm flung onto her arm and then two good streams of c** up her belly and chest on her white, long sleeved blouse. Another draped the creamy skin of her slender neck and breast before she even reacted. The older lady Said “Oh my goodness!!” In a loud breathy whisper. I aimed, and a big c****** glazed the shorter woman’s face. “OH!” The girl moved in and blocked me, getting the final 3 or 4 loads all in her light brown hair and on her face and hands. I fondled one of her C cup b**** and rubbed my c*** on her skirt covered crotch and belly. I lied acting surprised saying that I was expecting my friends to pull a s*** birthday prank on me. They used my powder room to clean up. Then we had an almost 20 minute talk on the sins of the flesh. The younger girl Brenda was 22 and came by near 4 for a good f****** and stayed the night. She had no hymen but she was awesomely tight and very naive when it came to s**. She was very willing to do it all. So we did it all several times. The next morning after separate showers she thanked me a hundred times as we ate the breakfast we made together. I drove her home and asked her to call when she wanted me again. She called the next Wednesday and we planned for her stayover weekend.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf