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And then on top of all that, how do I know your not a spy? It’s entirely possible and it from any number of angles. Maybe one a few women I knew but actually hate now, wanting to know what’s up. Which would irritate me actually. They are not supposed to care. They made me believers that they don’t care, so what the f***? Dumb b****. Human nature.

They say chicks dig assholes, and it’s true. Except I didn’t read it out of a book, and then apply it scheming to score. I’m serious, I mean it, I’m not being an a******, just ignorant. Yeah I have a problem or two with you, maybe even 3 or 4, some of them are suoerficial like you are very masculine, you could even be a transexual man to woman, which is really disgusting but others are in my opinion real red flags, and these women just don’t give the f*** up. It’s creepy at times. I don’t think I’m “all that” either, but I am not obligated to really give too much of s*** about you. I’m not bad, but Its also work to look like and be able to do what m I do at my age. I kind of expect the same. I know what I can have, because I know what I have.

I have experienced it a few times. Being an a****** works. Yeah you could be smart and try to use reverse psychology and act stupid unattractive and clingy which should technically drive them away, but I’m so not attracted, that sounds unbearable, intolerable, and then with my luck, by fluke she loves clingy and stupid, then you need to cause a scene, break up and then the b**** nails you for false false accusations of some s***. Abuse, some crazy s*** like that.

I prefer antisocial. I wish people could just learn to be antisocial. More than just her. Like don’t speak other than to say hi. Stay away from me. Don’t joke, don’t talk stupid when you greet me, I used to do that when I was 27, 20 years ago…. snap my finger and point at people, or greet them like I haven’t seen them in 20 years shake hands when I just saw them an hour ago, at this same spot as a matter of fact. Just greet like an adult, hey, or whatever and forget it. That’s the way I do it. No reason to talk. I probably think you’re lame and uninteresting. Especially immediately first thing in the morning.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf