It’s an odd feeling to know it crawls under your skin.
To know that you’re no different than the monsters that came before you and used her in the same way you had.

Can you go back and just pretend you don’t know?
Just love another person, kneel at the feet of another woman knowing that at one point you had power over another person an you abused it for yourself?
Can you feel gentle and loving again after knowing that layered within it all, somewhere untapped, lies a monstrous lust that will tear through a person just to feel satisfied?

If you could go back now, knowing everything that you do, would you do it again?
As I rise back into my skin I feel the answer is a resounding no. As I move back to the real world where I drink my coffee, do my work, speak to my friends I know that’s not the kind of person I am. It was just a fluke. Just a momentary lapse of judgement. A bad call that I misread.

And it all sounds so f****** rational.