5 years
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how the hell do i capture my crushes attention???? I barely even know enough about him let alone his preferences surrounding love interests

New Confession

When I was around nine or ten years old, I had a best friend—let’s call her Macy. My dad and her parents were close friends, and so when my dad had to go for a week for something job related, her family invited me to stay with them. Me agreed and that was almost the best week of my life, until… Macy had a different house close to our town, so it was like day four or five, and they invited me over to their other house. Her aunt also had a house in that small town, and so Macy and her big brother—let’s call him Theo—wanted to go to their aunt’s and of course I came along. Me and Macy were painting, and she wanted me to clean the paintbrushes while she went out to get food, so I made a mistake by not knocking before entering the bathroom—I thought no one else was home—and inside was Macy’s aunt’s boyfriend, he was finishing zipping up his pants. I apologized, but he shrugged it off and said I could use the sink since he was already leaving, but he didn’t. He started feeling up my b***, and I just stood there in front of the sink, frozen because I was stunned. I was only like ten, what the hell was I supposed to do? He began asking me if I did gymnastics because he said I had a nice b***. I stayed quiet, but then he spun me around and started to kiss me…with tongue. Ew. I was only TEN. He was like thirty. I didn’t open my mouth though, I stayed frozen. I wanted to push him away but I was afraid that’d make the situation worse. When he pulled away he said that the kiss was only ‘friendly’. Friendly my a**, he was a p********! I finally ran off, I didn’t even know the town, but anywhere was better than in that house. By some miracle, I managed to find Macy, but I didn’t tell her what happened—I thought I did, but when I told her years later, she swore I didn’t, but I know I did, because he came to my birthday gathering the next year because Macy threw me a surprise party with close friends. She invited her aunt who brought her boyfriend, and Macy told me to not pay much attention to him—and I just stayed by her the entire time. I know something else happened between me and that pervert, but I don’t remember what he did to me because it was ages ago, and I’m glad I’m forgetting about it because that’s f****** disgusting. I texted Macy’s mom to ask her if we were staying over at their aunt’s house that night, it was the best news I’ve ever heard when she said ’no’.

Related Confessions

I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf