5 years
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There’s all that but I also get loyalty out them. The real s***. They look out for my well being. They shoot it to me straight, the way I need to hear it. They will be the first to tell me if theres s*** going down behind my back. Say there’s a dude, he’s a snake. I know this, I can always sense it, and he is actually a simp. A real simp. Puts high value into a woman who does not deserve it and he tries really hard to the point that he’s more creepy than most women realize, and he’s real thirsty. I see it, I don’t like it, it’s irritating to me, but whatever. I keep it to myself.

At the same time you have me, who attracts loyalty and good women who care about me on some level without even trying. They know me, they know what they see is real, and they like me. I know this one, she was good to me, platoniclly. I remember standing there one time in a meeting with about 15 people, a friend of mine, he was cool with me, I never had a problem with him and he was cool with me. With chicks, I don’t know, that’s none of my concern. I’m standing there, she’s in front of me about 2 feet. This guy swoops in, and leans right into her. I don’t know, maybe at one time or more he tried to get her and she had a long term boyfriend at that time. He’s leaning, arms are touching, she turned 180, did a loop backwards and leaned right into me, the same way he was doing with her. That says a lot. She was also the same one who was telling me one day to “whoa….. stay away from him….” with regards to the first simp I talked about. The super thirsty creep, who I knew had a problem with me, I had seen him in action a few times and didn’t know what exactly it was about, but at the same time didn’t really care. I never asked I never asked her why, but I assume he was s*** talking me or be got jealous of that loyalty that was there for me, for no real reason, I don’t even try, and he got nuts. That was her exact words “whoa….. stay away from that guy….” and I honestly had no idea what specifically I did to piss him off. I probably hadn’t even seen him in a week. Unusually know, and I can do an a****** especially if I’m right and and I don’t like a person. I’m not afraid, any restraint on my part is usually just to keep peace for the greater good. I much later found out exactly where all that hostility was rooted from and yeah…. dude was a snake. But yeah, she warned me that s*** was being thrown around. Quite a few guys f****** hate that about me. I don’t even try. They try their hardest and really care and can’t f****** get it for anything. Not completely.

Simpery only applies if you are placing high value on bad women because you are so thirsty it doesn’t matter. They are not all bad.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf