5 years
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There is nothing I can do to stop the wave of girls that are wanting me for s**, want me to have s** with them, teach them to come. Teach them everything. Be their first. It began with my sister when she was 11 and I was 13. Mandy her best friend who had practice kissed with her wanted to learn it all. Beth our 14yo neighbor who saw them giving me a double b****** one day became a foursome. Before school broke for summer vacation I had been given the virginity of 21, cute 11 and 12 yo girls and 4 of Beth’s 14yo friends. One girl was not a virgin, she had been raped by her dad several times and cried when she felt my caring loving instead of his animal s**. I had my 14th b-day and my 25 yo lover who taught me about girls and s** moved away. She was cover girl pretty and I missed her terribly so I began banging any girl who wasn’t fat and took care of her cleanliness. They tell their friends and so on and so on. Covid sucked but most girls just stopped kissing for a while. I am up to 63 virgins 12 of which popped their own cherrys with hairbrushes, fingers and bottles and s***, all younger than 15 but older than 10. I’ve only fucked one 10yo and never will again.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf