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We didn’t mean to sleep so long, not at all really, just a short nap, but we got busted by our older sister Natalie. She is 20, really beautiful and wet dreams for all. I had turned 16 a month ago while Lauren turned 13 two weeks ago. “Lor” who is taking right after her sister in the beauty department, and I were wrapped up naked in her bed after our usual, wonderful s**. I used to stroke off spying on Natalie alot until she went out of state to collage.(she was on break when this happened.)
We were barely covered, when “Gnat” found us at near 3 in the morning. She was drunk and hardly able to stand let alone talk. She had been dropped off when she got to messed up for her friends to handle at some sleepover. As we scrambled for clothes we understood enough of Gnat’s drunken rant that she was going to narc us out to mom. We helped her to her bed where she promptly passed out. Then we went and panicked in the kitchen with strong drinks. We devised a plan to protect our private s** life. We had been fooling around for years like kids do and began actually f****** 2 days before her 13th b-day. We stripped Natalie naked and had alot of fun and s** with her. We took lots of pictures and some video to make her look like she was a happy s*** with us. I glazed her face with sperm for pictures while I still had any and since she was on the pill, up inside her nice p****. Lauren (who loved doing “IT” with a girl) licked my sperm from her while I fucked her from behind. She is also on the pill. Mom was sleeping from her 3rd shift mgr. job when Gnat, very hungover, found us in the living room watching a movie. She wondered what the hell had happened. Lauren showed her two pictures on my digital camera. One of her face in Lor’s sweet p****, and the other of me f****** Natalie herself. All the pictures were on the sim card I had stashed. “So you better not tell mom or anyone else about about us or these pictures are going totally viral.” she told her. I agreed. The three of us have been having s** when we can, ever since this began almost a year ago.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf