5 years
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It’s about standards. Truth be told, from my perspective, we saw each other after knowing each other for about a year, she initiated everything, and 2 weeks in, I knew she was not what I needed. She gave me bad vibes and I tried to end it. She literally begged me not to, and I fell for it.

So yeah…. That’s why I say, not bad. She was alright thenl. It was never genuine. No thing ever felt genuine to me and she was always somewhere else even with me. I expected and wanted much more and she knew that we were ugly to each other. I held standards, the entire time after I tried to call it, rightfully so, instead of literally to ginger another week and then just ending it completely when she failed to change my mind as if trying to make her stand by what she said when she pulled me back. If I had been a bit less naive being that young, I would not have gotten in so deep with a person who was so clearly not for me. I would not have let her get to my head, to the point where I was obsessed and being an a******, crying like a s*** f***** when she dumped my a**. Some guys might be alright with what she’s willing to give, easy come easy go.you’ll be alright. She’ll come back even if it’s 2 or 5 years.

From my perspective she is kind of a dangerous person to be around. It might not even be her that’s dangerous, it could very well be the people she loves and wants to be around are too much to handle, family, friends, they will fight harder for something than I ever would, they might want it more, but it’s a stressful thing being involved with her. She’s dangerous because she is indiscriminate. She doesn’t discriminate. She will get around anyone and I think she likes seedy type of people. Criminals. That kind of s***. Dirty people.

There’s much easier out there. Normal, for me. I’m chilled. I’m boring. I don’t do much. We have nothing in common. Absolutely nothing.

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf