5 years
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“Oh wow!” she said in a breathy voice. “Wow…You have a really nice body!” She was all eyes and smile. She licked her s*** lips and I slowly turned around to sway my hips flaunting my a** for her. “Mmmmm cute b***!” with a laughing giggle. I bent over and she squealed. Then I stood to face her and stroked off. “Holy s*** this is awesome!!” She crashed back into the sofa and sat right back up on the edge of the cushion again. Her eyes glued to my m***********. I moved to get my drink, standing right in front of her, rubbing off not two feet from her pretty face, and drinking most of it. “Where are your balls? Don’t guys have balls down there? I…” I took her small hand. “Gently my love, gently feel my balls in here.” Her fingers were cool touching my scrotum as she fondled me. She was looking closely again. “There are balls in there!!” “Is ..is your thingy always this big? It’s not right, I mean it gets bigger when you get excited right?” I took her other hand and wrapped her fingers around my shaft. I used her to stroke myself a few times and let go. She kept stroking me. “What your doing to me would be considered a h****** and I like it.” Her eyes were so beautiful dancing with pleasure and excitement. “Does this feel good, am I doing it right?” “Mmm it feels good Kristen real good. Would you like to kiss it. Maybe s*** on me a little?” “What?!” Her hand stopped. “Have you ever heard of a b****** Kris?” Shy started jerking me off again saying, “I think so, what is it really?” “It’s when a girl likes a guy enough to lick and s*** on his thingy.” She hesitated, looking at me, then started stroking and feeling my nuts again. “Really?” To make him feel good and like he is special to you. You know, the same way that I would love to lick and s*** on your p**** to make you feel good and special to me.” A couple of unsure looks and some hesitation and then she leaned in and kissed the head of my d***. She looked at me. “You pee out of here don’t you?” touching the opening. “I promise, there’s nothing to worry about.” Grinning back at her own crooked foxy grin. I was a bit surprised when she put her warm lips around the head and put a little suction on me. “Oh yes Kristen that is a good start sweetie a real good start.”

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf