5 years
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At the house we told our moms some stories about the creek and crawdads and some other mild b******* so they would think we had been innocently having fun. They were almost glued to the computer looking at real estate listings. My Aunt was thinking of moving back to the area when her divorce was finalized. She is my dads younger sister and pretty attractive to me. Being almost 14 I was h**** all the time. Eager to keep fooling around with Mandy, my 10 yr old niece, Amanda, we played it cool and split a sandwhich for lunch with chips. We got the okay to go back outside and play. I threw a blanket out my bedroom window to sneak down to our spot near the creek. Nervous all over again we stood silently and barefoot on the blanket. When I said that I would go first Mandy looked relived and more relaxed with a smiling kind of wild look, like throwing a switch. I had pulled off my t-shirt and was starting on my belt when Mandy showed her excitement and started u********* too. We were smiling like crazy. Then we were naked in each others arms kissing. I was helping her to relax and be comfortable while she learned to make out. Much as I was taught by a gorgeous 25 yr old neighbor when she began teaching me all that she knew about girls, guys and s**. That started about eight months ago. She had been separated from her husband for almost a year, no kids and she was as pretty, or prettier than girls in the few Playboys or Penthouses I had seen. We have done it all except for things that were too disgusting. She had only told me about them to learn and understand how weird people could be s*******. She had encouraged me to find girls around my age to fool around with but I hadn’t yet, I was to much into having s** with her. That was until Mandy humped my leg this morning. She is no where near my age but I hadn’t been with my secret lover for almost three days solid. When I moved my hand from her plump, narrow b*** to her p**** she reached down to fondle my semi hard erection. We lay down, sipped some water and got busy again. After a minute or two… “Oh wow your making me feel all tingly again, it feels really good!” She breathily whispered around our hungry mouths and searching tongues. I was rubbing her v**** getting her tiny c*** aroused. “Your getting so big!” She stopped to look. Her small hand was gripping my d***, getting the hang of how to stroke me. She was starting to get moist and I was in lust. I could smell her hairless s**. After some more kissing she looked at me and asked seriously “Would you really..um..would you really want to lick my slit again?”

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I’m tempted to give up on her and I I feel like I’ve been trying so long and litteeally I put in the effort. She doesn’t even try to communicate back. I don’t think she even knows I tried to reach her. The messages are unread. I’m blocked on fb. I’ve spent a year even trying to reach her on different social media on off. Tried to rebuild start from scratch. Impress her compliment her and say how I truly feel. All those months I spent on my knees praying for her for and for us that was 2 f****** years ago. Then you tease me with a vision of us and tell me well have kids and make me earn them by doing good deeds just basically keep doing it till something happens then you tease me with how she looked pregnant and no one told me s*** for months I’m left alone wondering if anything even happened with a woman I love who won’t speak to me let alone even add me on social media who was probably carrying my kid that was my gift of my love to her. Then more months go by I know nothing no one tells me anything. I spent months begging the real jesus for clarity tell me what is going on felt like their souls exist and don’t understand where I’m under this god that can’t possibly be jesus while trying to find jesus for 2 1/2 godamn years of working my a** off obsessing over what in the name of God I could possibly be doing wrong. Months and months of devotion and bible studies and all those prayers and trying to learn and fun. Months I was tormented for I think almost a year and I still get tormented. Everything I have been through in faith is so unfair. Then I saw recently she didn’t even look pregnant. This god is such a jerk. I blame the real jesus every day for not helping me or my life not h3lping me understand what is going on leaving me on my own to try to figure everything out for a year or more. All the he’ll and torment I have gone through all the horrible things I have gone through in the last 2 years. My life genuinely feels so bad that this year I finally looked for a diff god yet still believing In Jesus bc it just that gofamn awful it shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll curse you every day jesus for not helping me all those times I seemed the real jesus not this thunder thing or satan. This is bs. You have nonidea how many times u even asked for deliverance from things
You have no idea how many times I have tried to confess sins or talked to a priest. How much effort I have put into it Christianity and faith and these weird spiritual things I have gone through. I’ve spent 2 1 /2 years still trying ti understand visions even. And all this other stuff that I don’t understand (other spiritual things all kinds of stuff even dreams that were spiritual) and yeah I prayed about it yeah I talked to priest about it. Your Bible is useless on so many issues. Jesus is a damn moron and a jerk and clearly is f****** deaf